Tuesday, October 20, 2009

R is for Retrospective

This is off my theme of being fiber-related, but on my theme for catching up!

One year ago today, I lost my job, for the second time in a year. I lost a big part of my identity that day, as a working mom, a software engineer, a career woman. Day after day, Deuce reminded me that the biggest, happiest, most rewarding part of my life is motherhood.

Today, we did the same things we were doing this time last year - children's museum, playground, playing in the leaves. We hugged and high-fived. I marveled at his intelligence, cuteness, constant motion... that he was part of me, that I am part of him, that he loves me despite my failure to hold down a job, despite the anxiety, despite the disappointment.

DeuceDad was there too, supporting me and teasing me through the best and worst moments of the last year, always reminding me that we have a happy marriage and a beautiful son.

I feel such a sense of relief knowing that many of our troubles will be behind us in a few weeks. Soon I'll be busy 9-5 and bringing home the bacon again, questioning my decision to work outside the home, ordering pizza and getting up early again. I need to remember the gifts - the last year I've had to share Deuce's every moment, the fact that I have him and his loving father, this job that could be everything I've been looking for. These are all gifts in my life. I can't be a SAHM and a WOHM at the same time, but I've had the opportunity to do both, and I've enjoyed it.

In retrospect, this year has been the best I've ever had. I was able to do something I never thought I could do, and I'm stronger and better for it. But I'm ready for my next move, knowing I'll have amazing people by my side.

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