What's that in my mouth? A piece of my tongue? That I BIT OFF?!

Figuratively.

I had an interesting conversation with my mother yesterday. She was feeling "rejected," and in her new effort to actually speak up and say something instead of being passive aggressive, she mentioned it to me. I felt that she was missing some key points of what was going on and laid out those facts without judging her. In my ongoing effort to encourage the sharing of feelings and not just yell at people (for calling me at work with their not-work-related issues, eh-hem), I didn't say what I really wanted to, which is that she was really being very... well, it doesn't matter. I wouldn't change anything I did, I allowed her to say her piece without being judged, and I went about my business.

I'm also trying this new thing were I don't vent. This is dangerously close to venting. But I'm not doing it. Venting absolutely has it's place. There are times that you can't (or shouldn't?) hold in those feelings and it's beneficial to choose a safe way to let that pressure off. Running (hah!), writing a letter, calling a friend, pounding chicken breasts flat with a mallet, all useful.

But some studies show that venting can actually rev a person up more and increase their anger by rehashing and verbalizing what you "should have" done.

Again, I wouldn't change what my mom was mad about and I wouldn't change how I dealt with her. I feel satisfied (trying to avoid self righteous) that I was in control of my emotions. A victory for me if there ever was one.

I recommend this not-venting tactic. Next time something happens that you would normally rehash to husband/mom/bestfriend/acquaintences (or all within earshot), try just congratulating yourself for how you personally handled the situation, and then let it go. Give yourself 5. I did, and it's nice.

Gratuitous Toddler Photos

I have had lots going on, but am just not in the mood to turn a fine phrase. Or even try. So instead I'll share with you Deuce's glorious belly, and popsicles dripping off it, followed by a gentle hosing off because we have no bath tub (or a/c) and it's hot outside.

Olympic Parenting

I read a blog post that made me tear up this morning. Backpacking Dad shared his experience with his daughter's swim lessons and watching the Olympics, and his post was such a beautiful commentary on parenting.

Being the parent of a young child is the most joyful thing I've ever experienced. Every first encounter is a discovery and every day is full of potential.

Maybe he has the potential to be a world record setter. Or maybe the greatest thing Deuce will accomplish in life is to make my heart melt when he focuses intently on the first blade of grass he ever picked.

Either way, my greatest hope is that he finds happiness in the things he does and that I'm there to support him every step of the way.

Hi! I'm DeuceMom and I'm a (fill in the blank)

Yesterday I decided I need to lose weight. This is not a subjective matter, in medical fact, I need to lose weight. In the past, however, have decided not to lose weight and have instead enjoyed copious amounts of melted cheese.

When it comes to weight, I think I'm your average Obese American, much as I am your average 4th generation Italian American. Both groups enjoy wine, Parmesan Reggiano, and dominoes. I'm a stereotype.

True to my stereotype, I've done a lot of dieting. I've primarily done Weight Watchers, although I've also tried the grapefruit diet, the cabbage soup diet, South Beach, Atkins, starvation, and alcohol-only. Grapefruit is yucky when it's not in season, cabbage gives me gas, South Beach promotes too much packaged high-sodium stuff, Atkins doesn't include pasta (I have to be real here), starvation is ridiculous and I'm too old now for alcohol-only. That leaves Weight Watchers. I mean, it works for a lot of people, it has. But I am tired of it plain and simple. I am tired of paying $12 a week for someone to show me how to use a points slider (I have 6 of them at home, I think I get it by now), and I'm tired of 100 calorie packs. I can eat a box of those and then go home for dinner. Needless to say, none of these approaches has proved itself to be a long term solution for me.

Like so many others, I've gotten bigger over time despite the diets. If you were to chart my weight over time, it would not be a yo-yo, because I never get back to my elusive high school weight (not that I was runway material at 16, but it's something to shoot for). I'm locked in a losing battle to fit in my clothes and not have to buy more.

And, like so many other women/moms/20-somethings/overweight people/whatever group I fit into, I have a lot of really good reasons to lose weight. Health, longevity, quality of life, raising healthy children, looks, you name it. All great motivators.

So what's the problem? There are so many theories. I could provide links to them, but, if you're anything like me or pay attention to the news in any capacity, you've heard them all anyhow. I have an addictive personality. I lack will power. I have control issues. I'm depressed. I'm stressed. I'm a victim of advertising. I'm overcommitted. I'm an escapist. All of those are contributing factors to some extent or another.

But I have my own theory - I like fatty foods, and I like to sit.

I'm not discounting any of the emotional or environmental influences that contribute to my weight. But I'm being realistic here. I am DeuceMom and I am a hedonist. I like to do things that make me feel good in the moment.

I think there is a lot to be said for the notion of treating yourself and resting especially as a new mom (and, dare I say it, a WOHM). If convenience foods mean more precious time in the evenings with the baby, then maybe they're not 100% evil. And laying around in bed at naptime on Saturday afternoon snuggling instead of exercising? Seems like good parenting to me!

The flaw in the it's-all-okay theory is that life requires balance. I've never been good at balancing want v. need. For example, now that Deuce is sleeping though the night, I don't need a 2 or 3 hour nap on Saturday. I want to be close to him and snuggle. But I need to do a lot of other things during that time so that I can focus on him while he's awake.

I have a lot more on this subject, but I need to wrap up (it's lunch time!). In the spirit of Adventures in Deuce-Motherhood, I've joined SparkPeople. Their tag-line is "Make your life an adventure." Not that I need to add adventure to my life on purpose, but it's a concept I can get behind. My username is DeuceMom (shocking) and I'll be spending a little time there figuring out what it's all about.

If nothing else, hopefully you'll get a laugh as I stumble along.

Hi! I'm DeuceMom and I'm on a diet.

I should have seen this coming

The house is quiet
I drift off. Sweet extra sleep.
Being bad is good

I hear a rumble
in the distance? Right outside?
a drop of rain falls.

Shower! Throw on clothes!
Run outside! Roll up window!
Too late lazy bones.

I treated myself
to a little extra snooze
now my butt is wet.

I swear that it seems like every time I take a nap or sleep in something happens that makes me regret it. One of these days I'll learn that I'm too old and too overcommitted for napping. Maybe one day.

Read some awesome 'kus at Jennifer's blog

Life's little tradeoffs

For the cost of the 2 pairs of StrideRite shoes I bought last night, in an effort to provide my son's chubby feet with the most comfortable, supportive shoes on the market, I could have bought:

• 3 new scrapbook albums
• fabric and notions for kitchen curtains
• 21 cases of Diet Coke
• table lamps for living room

For the cost of a new power steering hose and a flexpipe (which had to be convinced to part ways with the manifold) for the truck, in an effort to have reliable transportation, I could have bought:

• a loveseat for the barren family room
• train fare to NYC in one of those cute cabins
• 2 weeks of daycare (scary)
• 4500 plain pocket folders

But I did none of those things because I am a mother and responsible adult.

Thbbbbt!

It can all change in an instant

Friday afternoon, my FIL was out cutting down trees in the woods across the road from the ILs house, when in a freak accident the top of the tree he was cutting snapped off and hit him in the head. He lay in the woods for 2 hours before SIL and MIL found him and called for help. He was conscious but unable to move. He was airlifted to the closest major hospital.

By the time DeuceDad and I arrived (a 90 minute drive made in 70 minutes) he was under general anesthesia and intubated. Within hours he was x-rayed, scanned, poked and prodded, taken off the ventilator, allowed to move and found to be slightly the worse for wear, but overall perfectly fine.

He was kept overnight for observation, and has a fracture in his face and serious concussion with a lot of dizziness. And he's alive.

He (and our family) is lucky. FIL used to run a logging business and compete in timber sports, and is still active in the logging community. He has many acquaintances who have been injured or killed by trees, equipment, and even lightening.

Logging and timber sports have always been a huge and important part of DeuceDad's family.

Thank God Grandpa will be able around to share lumber camp and the love of the outdoors with Deuce.