This might just... not work

Medifast is a misery.

This is day 8, and I have officially lost 1 lb.  Net 1 lb, b/c I had lost 2 and now I am up 1.  My ankles are swollen and my digestive system isn't right (trying to respect delicate sensibilities).

I know it works if you just do it, and I know that the whole point is to just get to the goal weight and then go on with a healthy life, and I know that I need to learn moderation and the hunger isn't going to kill me. 

I know.

I know that my husband saw this coming a mile away.

I was really excited day 1 when I didn't faint or die or whatever I was worried about.

I was really excited day 6 when my doctor told me that because of my high BMI I could add one or two more 100 calorie meals of actual food.

And then last night I was miserable, cancelled social plans on some of my favorite people, ate a "lean & green" dinner and then housed a hot dog, and was...  ill (if you get my drift, gentle reader).

So you know what I did today? 
I ate an egg for breakfast.  With salsa on it.  And I enjoyed it
Midmorning I ate a Medifast bar and drank a bunch of water
Lunchtime - salad and sushi. 
And technically I could be eating now, but I'm not hungry.  For the first time since last Thursday
I have a shake packet in my lunch bag that I will have at 3:30 so I don't do anything rash at dinner
Fish and veggies planned for dinner
And no processed mess for dessert today (last night's brownie with rubbery soy protein bits was disheartening)

Oh, and I'm going to exercise.  Why would I want to cut back on exercise?!  The program is so low calorie that it advises "avoid" exercise, or at least cut current activity by 50%.  That is contrary to one of my main motivations, being able to stay active with my son.  The book that goes with the program is about living into your 80s, 90s, 100s, at "optimal health."  Fine.  I'm not missing walking the dog with my son or doing the Thanksgiving morning running race so I can try to live to 100.  I'm going to keep walking and (get back to) running, which will give me better health immediately and in old age.

I know that the program was developed by doctors and endorsed by my own doctor, who I trust very much.  Lots of people have succeeded in losing weight using this method.  Including the doctor who developed it, who lost... wait for it... 27 lbs.  Seriously dude?  I can't eat the same number of calories as a person who is barely in the "overweight" category and feel at all okay.

I'm just as motivated to lose weight and be healthy as I was a week ago.  I lost a pound.  I could easily have gained a pound this week.  I think the high protein, low carb mini meals are a good tool, and I'd like to use those still.  I learned something about dealing with hunger (more on that later).  I got really good support from my husband and brother.

I'm not stopping.  I am adjusting.  That's how I do.

This just might work

On Friday I started my new diet - I'm doing Medifast meal replacements, on the advice of my doctor.  It's going really well, even over a holiday weekend, because I'm really committed. 

I do feel like I need to put "really well" in perspective.  I am the worst dieter in the world.  I am the only person I know who actually gains weight on a diet.  Several years ago on the Biggest Loser, a contestant was sent home during the first week.  His comment was "Who gains weight on a fat-loss show?"  Me, pal.  That would be me.

I have some real control issues when it comes to food.  I want to eat what I want, when I want, as much as I want, and I do not expect anyone to so much a bat an eyelash

So why would I sign up for a diet where my choices consist of choosing between a shake or a bar, and my main meal of the day is choosing between fish or chicken?  Because I obviously need to change the way I make choices.  Even if I don't follow this plan to the bitter end, I think I can get a good head start.  I want to keep following Medifast until I lose some lbs and practice focusing on lifestyle choices

The diet has taken away my ability to choose a burrito for lunch.  But the fundamental choice here is do I want to lose weight or stay the same?  If I want to lose weight, eat the prepared meal. I ate the prepared meals, I lost 2 lbs in 3 days.

I might be on to something.