H is for Heirloom

Yes, I just posted a whole lot of crazy, but I don't know when I'll get to post again (next weekend?), so he's my abc-along.

H is for Heirloom. My MIL rocked DeuceDad and his brother and sister, and now I've spent endless happy hours in this rocker. Some tired, unhappy times too, but by and large, time spent nursing, smelling that sweet baby smell, and loving Deuce.

S-NAP!

T-36 hours until new daycare/job and I can't take it any more.

Deuce still hasn't cut those teeth, the teething tablets gave him diarhea, he's not sleeping so neither am I, and he's just yelling/screaming/fussing constantly. And I mean constantly. I love him, and I feel bad for him, and it's out of his control and I know this change plus the teething (oh, and the contact dermatitis I gave him by switching to Tide with Bleach Alternative) are driving him crazy. I feel like a terrible mom for making him so dependent on me while I've been home, and like an even worse mom for going back to work full time. I love him and none of this is his fault. I'm not angry at him. I JUST NEED A BREAK.

In less than 2 days I have to move back in with my parents, start him at a new day care, and go back to work at a job I'm not sure I can do. I'm rewashing every piece of fabric in the house so he can touch things without itching. I am vacating in the middle of it all to allow for showings. I'm trying to be the appropriate amount of sad/happy to be moving depending on the audience. I'm saying goodbye. We'll see these people, but it will be different. Bad different.

I'm just sick of feeling like nothing's good enough. The house needs work. The house is dirty. The house is cluttered. I'm not sad enough to be leaving. I'm not happy enough to be moving "home." I'm not prepared for my new job. We don't have any money. I'm late for everything. I look like shit. And the crazy part is I've been HOME for FIVE WEEKS. Shouldn't I have it together already?! Gah!!

I should probably delete this because I sound like a crazy person, but it's all what I'm feeling right now. So there. Truth in blogging. The ugly side. Please don't send CPS. Deuce is fed, bathed, binked, and in his father's arms. I have lots of help. I just needed to vent.

The Birds

Part of the soffit
came down this winter and birds
have built there nest there

I hate birds. They poop
on my car. On the driveway.
On our clean windows.

We can't sell the house
with these pests in residence.
Birds - not a feature.

I call to rent a
twenty-eight foot extension
ladder for a day.

DeuceDad will risk life
and limb and pecking of eyes
to knock out the nest.

I'm so glad I have
a handy husband because
I also hate heights.

Heights and birds. I am
a chicken. Ha! Chickens are
birds! I crack me up.

How Deuce Got His Name

I promised Missy some explanation - here goes.

When we found out Deuce was going to be a boy, we started the name discussion full force. We had already decided the first name - same as DeuceDad - was going to be Robert. The middle name was more tricky because we have conflicting family traditions.

In DeuceDad's family, they give the first son the father's name. So Grandpa, Dad & baby would all have the same first name (more on that later).

In my family, the first son (and daughter) get their parent's first name as the middle name.

BIL pointed out that if we followed both traditions, that would be "Robert Robert."

A little silly, but at least he'd have a good fighting name - Robert "The Deuce" Robert LastName.

His middle name is my dad's name, but the Deuce part stuck.

In Good Company

I was reading though some missed posts at Playgroups are No Place For Children, and I found Jennifer's post on Tip Anxiety. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who a) cannot do math when flustered and b) lives in fear of loogies being hawked on food in retribution.

While reflecting on this one of many sources of anxiety in my life, I also read Missy's post that calls out DeuceFamily's lack of real names on my blog. My real name is out there, but I more or less keep our true identities secret b/c of my Freak Anxiety. I know that it's unlikely/unrealistic/insane to think that someone on the internet would find us/kill us/steal our identities. Some people don't even have a problem putting first AND last names out there for readers, but I'm not one.

Maybe I need to loosen up a bit. My name's Megan. Phew! That wasn't so bad!

Deuce's new dudes

The daycare visit went swimmingly today, which means Deuce officially has new dudes!

They break the ages up differently than I've seen elsewhere. Typically babies are in a NB-2YO or NB-1YO/walking room. This is a crawling-18MO room. Interesting. He's going to be the youngest one in there, so I worry about him from that standpoint, but the younguns usually get a little extra attention (in our experience) so that will work in his favor.

Oh, and did I mention I'm going to miss him?

So everything is a go for me starting work next Monday. I'm excited, nervous, the whole nine, probably the same as anyone would feel in this situation.

I got some cool new scrapbooking stuff today - The Ultimate Guide to the Perfect Word. Journaling is so tough for me, and a friend said this will help. I bought it with a 55 (% off coupon) at AC Moore. Have you ever even heard of such a thing?! Unprecidented. I wish I had gotten to frame it. I have a coupon problem.

So far so good

Deuce has been handling part one of the move so well. He's cool like that.

We've been at my parents' for the weekend accomplishing scads of to-do list items. They've been babysitting him and they are awesome for it. We couldn't have done a quarter of what we did with him in tow. Plus he'd be miserable and I'm just not that into making him miserable (wierd, I know).

But (you knew there would be a but), he sleeps like double-s h i double-t shit in the pack-n-play. I haven't slept more that 2 hours straight the last two nights. It's brutal. Next weekend we'll have the crib.

Tomorrow we're going to see his new day care! I think it's going to be really nice there and I know he's going to have fun. I am worried about the transition from all mommy all the time to strangers all day, but he's friendly, and I'm sure he'll do fine.

He's good like that.

#1 reason for the move

My to do list long
My temper so short and quick
Moving is a pain

Prioritizing
and asking for help will make
the work easier

Excitement of the
new jobs, new home, family
new and old friends and...

Wegmans!! How I love
the store, the products, the name.
Fresh and delicious!

Convenient! Happy!
Olive bar! A fish counter!
Yum! Need I say more?

Grocery shopping
is made fun again. Crazy,
but I love Wegmans.

Enough to gag a maggot

I'm supa dupa stressed about everything that has to happen in the next few days, so I'm sharing a funny/horrifying anecdote instead of real news.

Last night we ate a celebratory surf & turf dinner w/ Deuce's favorite veg asparagus (he has very refined baby tastes). He ate some little pieces of ribeye and lots of asparagus and fun was had by all.

This morning we're sharing a banana, enjoying ourselves, when the angry red forehead triangle appears. A diaper is being filled. No surprise being that he's a baby. The surprise came when I pulled his pants off, only to be greeted by an enormous blow out of asparagus poop. And now that he won't lay still for diaper changes, he managed to cover himself in it in about 4.6 seconds. We can handle this - knock off the big chunks and then into the tub.

So what's the scarring part? Well, I read somewhere you shouldn't act grossed out every time you change a diaper b/c you can give your kid a complex about their "diaper area" being filthy, which will eventually lead to them becoming a serial killer. I usually do a pretty good job. But this one made me GAG. And hoot. And holler. And gag again. Poor kid's going to end up dismembering me and burying me in the basement some day, and I'll have no one to blame but myself.

Things that are not easy

1. Cutting teeth
Deuce still doesn't have his top teeth yet. I miss daycare.

2. Leaving "home"
DeuceDad got the job!!! In the same breath as being happy that we're moving to, oh, say, a county that offers a job other than the one I was let go from, we're also sad to be leaving. And DeuceDad is really sad to be moving 3 hours from his parents. Not that I blame him. I have the best MIL/DIL relationship that a MIL/DIL can have. Even FIL and I have a mutual (dis?)respect for each other that makes his company downright tolerable. And that's nothing compared to DeuceDad's really outstanding relationships with his parents.

His Grandpa Joe always said ("my grandpappy Ole Reliable used to say, uh, say, I don't reckon I ever told you about Ole Reliable..."), anyway, Grandpa Joe used to say that this is a great place to live if you can make a living. Unfortunately, I did not choose a profession condusive to making a living in rural America. And so, we're moving away from our first house, and the IL's home on the river.

3. Doing justice to the ILs when you're so happy!!

I haven't been within 200 miles of my high school best friend in 10 years. We're so excited that our ring tones for each other are Peaches 'N Herb singing "Reunited". I can't wait!!! I'm excited to be near my parents again, but that's a very long post re: relationships w/ parents that I am not up to right now.

4. Scoring a job over the phone

You read that right - I got a job off a phone interview tonight!!!! It's actually doing something I've never done before (web apps in Java), and the owner knows and doesn't care. I'll have a 1 month, 3 month and 6 month review to make sure I'm coming up to speed, which I don't think will be a huge problem b/c he's personally training me for the first week. It happened so fast I can't even believe it!

DeuceFamily doesn't always do things the easy way, but we get it done!

Argh!

I missed the phone call! The place DeuceDad's been interviewing with called this afternoon and I didn't get home in time to give him the message.

I left the house this morning so that I wouldn't just sit around and obsess. It worked, but now I'm super obsessed! We would know by now if I had stayed home! Argh!

DeuceDad thinks this is the height of humor.

I am drinking beer.

Today was productive otherwise, and I checked tons of great books out of the library, including Simple Scrapbooks Scrapbooking Made Easy. One of the minds behind this is Stacy Julian (Altogether Too Happy link on my side bar). I only got as far as page 3 before I had to run upstairs and scraplift a page. I think this is going to be a gold mine.

Well, we'll know tomorrow. Pray for us, please!

B.D. Before Deuce

There are times when I remember my childless life fondly. I hate to admit that, but it's true. When I was working, it was every Friday after work. Friday night was my favorite night to go to happy hour and then wherever the night took me. Never anywhere wild or crazy, but out to dinner with friends, carefree.

Of course, within 5 minutes of leaving work I was at day care picking him up and once I had him in my arms I forgot all about dinner and drinks and was just as carefree knowing all night we could snuggle and play.

So this evening we went to DeuceDad's archery banquet and saw actual adults on a Saturday night. Crazy, I know. We came home, and I put on pj's and settled in the office with the year 1 scrapbook and Yahoo Radio on the coffee house station since we have no radio reception in our house. And this Ben Harper song came on that made me want to have a beer buzz and dance and chill and, well, do stuff. Slowly. With the music on. Like we used to before Deuce. Check it out - go to Ben Harper's website, click on BHIC Radio - "In The Colors."

Maybe I'm crazy. And I would never trade life with Deuce for the Deuceless life. But there are moments when I really look forward to him sleeping over at Grandma's.

No tooth today

One more toothless day.
Deuce awaits the cutting of
his first top chomper.

Naps are for babies, Mom

Deuce refused to nap this morning which isn't a great sign for our day. I can't wait for this freaking tooth to cut though and life to return to normal. He is down now though and if I'm lucky I'll get another 30 minutes out of him.

In the mean time I swept about 3 cubic feet of sand out of the driveway and filed/threw out/recycled about 2 reams of paper I had in various piles. I had convinced myself that these piles were strategic. I was kidding myself.

I am so overwhelmed by the amount of housework that needs doing. The worst part is that we're suspended in time waiting for DeuceDad to hear back about the job. I can't even begin to focus on anything else. I have done some scrapping in an effort to get some "alone" time that doesn't involve shopping (have I mentioned unemployment is cramping my style a little?). But last night I couldn't even move in the office and I'm now back to the point I was at weeks (months?) ago of being overwhelmed and needing to make a list. If I can find my Palm I'll be in business.

I think I need a spring cleaning plan, broken down into chunks that I can handle. If anyone else is in this predicament, let me NOT recommend FlyLady. I "know" (on mom chat boards) lots of SAHMs that love her, but I can't justify the sink shining thing. Even if you substitute some other chore for sink shining I just can do it. I can't live with the hard and fast rule that every item must be spit shined and in its place before I can sleep. I love sleep too much for that.

Balance I must find. And fast. I hear him stirring...

A Quote

"Infancy conforms to nobody; all conform to it."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

And now for something completely different

(Bonus points to anyone who knows what I'm talking about)

I had a whole post typed about how we're on this rollercoaster right now, but it sounded whiny.

So instead, I'd like to talk about why crocheting gets a bad rap. In The Happy Hooker, Debbie Stoller discusses the awful patterns published for crochet. I was at the library and grabbed some books our of curiousity, to see if what she said was true. I offer for you enjoyment some kick-butt crochet projects:

from "Crocheting For The Home" (1977) I offer you the crocheted birdcage

and from "McCall's Crochet Treasury" (also 1977) , which offered almost too many to choose from, please enjoy the Flower-Color Gown

I was able to find one usable pattern from each book. That's just sad.

Tagged!

1) Link to the person who tagged you.--> Carly!
2) Post the rules.
3) Share six non-important things / habits / quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people.
5) Be sure the people you tagged KNOW you tagged them by commenting what you did.

Here goes:
1. I have an axe in my house with the handle painted white and the inscription "Bulls Eye" that we got as a wedding gift
2. I clip the coupons from the paper every Sunday
3. I put ketchup on DeuceDad's macaroni salad, which is made with mayo and mustard, to make a condiment trifecta
4. I love psychological thrillers (Silence of the Lambs anyone?)
5. I am disgusted by stuff in peoples' ears, and keep mine, Deuce's, Claude's mercilessly clean, and attack DeuceDad with Qtips and fingernails if he slides even a little bit.
6. I allow my son to play with darn near anything he can get his hands on. Right now, a piece of white paper, a bow from a Christmas gift, and the lever on the desk chair. Oops - he's moved on to a 3.5" diskette and a pack of poly-fil seat cushion forms.

Tagged:
Missy, BookWoman, and Kelly! You're it!

Congrats Carly & Jake!

Head over to FSIL Carly's blog to check out her awesome news!

She "blames" me for them meeting, and since they're so happy, I'm willing to take some of the credit! But only a tiny fraction, as they were able to make it work long distance, which I know from experience can be very tough.

Anyhow, congratulations Carly!

G is for Grandson

Deuce is grandson to, and loved by, many grandparents. He has 9 of them in all - 2 grandpas and 7 grandmas. These are my parents who are representative in that they love Deuce dearly.