T-36 hours until new daycare/job and I can't take it any more.
Deuce still hasn't cut those teeth, the teething tablets gave him diarhea, he's not sleeping so neither am I, and he's just yelling/screaming/fussing constantly. And I mean constantly. I love him, and I feel bad for him, and it's out of his control and I know this change plus the teething (oh, and the contact dermatitis I gave him by switching to Tide with Bleach Alternative) are driving him crazy. I feel like a terrible mom for making him so dependent on me while I've been home, and like an even worse mom for going back to work full time. I love him and none of this is his fault. I'm not angry at him. I JUST NEED A BREAK.
In less than 2 days I have to move back in with my parents, start him at a new day care, and go back to work at a job I'm not sure I can do. I'm rewashing every piece of fabric in the house so he can touch things without itching. I am vacating in the middle of it all to allow for showings. I'm trying to be the appropriate amount of sad/happy to be moving depending on the audience. I'm saying goodbye. We'll see these people, but it will be different. Bad different.
I'm just sick of feeling like nothing's good enough. The house needs work. The house is dirty. The house is cluttered. I'm not sad enough to be leaving. I'm not happy enough to be moving "home." I'm not prepared for my new job. We don't have any money. I'm late for everything. I look like shit. And the crazy part is I've been HOME for FIVE WEEKS. Shouldn't I have it together already?! Gah!!
I should probably delete this because I sound like a crazy person, but it's all what I'm feeling right now. So there. Truth in blogging. The ugly side. Please don't send CPS. Deuce is fed, bathed, binked, and in his father's arms. I have lots of help. I just needed to vent.