Tuesday, March 4, 2008

A screeching halt

Progress on everything (everything!) has come to a screeching halt.

DeuceDad and I have been talking about a MAJOR life change (no, not another babe), and I am consumed entirely by the idea/enormity/joy/bittersweetness/etc. of the idea of moving.

I've been surviving my job because it's a means to an end. I like where we live, it's close to DeuceDad's family, we have lots of friends here, all kinds of good reasons to stay put. And I really did what I consider to be a good job for a long time - applying myself, caring about work, that type of thing. But ever since I got a HUGE ration of attitude about a year ago I've tuned out. And that only got worse after Deuce arrived, for myself and for DeuceDad (who's job situation is worse than bad, but that's another story).

It's just too hard to put our time and energy into something when we just keep getting beat down, beat down, beat down. And when that affects our mood and energy level around our son, it has to change. Period.

So we've made the decision that we're job hunting elsewhere, namely where I grew up. We think it only makes sense to go where the grandparents are. Although VA, home of BIL and Carly is awfully tempting in the winter.

Now it's like every sideways glance I get around here I'm just about to put on my coat and walk out the door. NOT GOOD. Something needs to be set in stone before I pack it in b/c we have bills to pay. And we're on my health insurance.

I almost feel like I need a vacation day to adjust my attitude (what good that will do, I don't know but I know I'm not focused). I'm also hungry, so that doesn't help my outlook on life - I'm a hunger wimp.

I'm overwhelmed is the main thing, and I just don't know what can be done about that besides resolving the situation, which is going to take time. I seriously need to go back to basics - make a list, prioritize, set small goals that I can focus on and check off. Instead of doing that, there is a good change I go to Michael's and buy Bernat Soy b/c it's half price. Just what I need - more stuff to hide when we have to stage the house/pack.

I'm going to go eat, that I know I can do!


bookwoman said...

Wow. The times when you wish you were independently wealthy. Good luck with the decisions. I know how hard it is to keep going when you've made the decision to walk away. That vacation day may not be such a bad idea. Make it a Monday or Friday and just use the time as "non-toxic environment" time to really think about what's ahead of you, and make your lists in a calm and collected fashion. Oh, and crochet. Playing with yarn is always good.

kasiaiscarly said...

yeah. . . . a vacation day does not adjust the attitude :) i've had that attitude for well over a year now, but working at home leaves me no motivation to try to find something else :)